Tanner!

Wednesday was a long day of therapy and several appointments at Children's.  It is funny to think back to some of the times when we were at Children's for days on end, waiting for the doctor to finally come around and tell us that it was our turn to go home......now when I walk through the doors of Children's I can't help think about how much I will miss going there and seeing the faces of the people that have been there for my son since he was 2 days old.  They have become a community for us, and they are all incredible and have served and blessed my family in more ways than taking care of Tanner!  They have cried with me, laughed with me, and rocked my baby when I couldn't be there. They have seen me two days post birth, crying, emotional, and so unsure of the future.  Now when I walk in, I am confident in knowing that God does have a plan for Tanner, and all of the people that we have come in contact with through the doors of Seattle Children's are part of that plan.

So, Wednesday was the last visit with his Neuro-Developmental specialist.  The last time we saw her was a little over 7 months ago.  7 months ago was when I first heard about the possibility of genetic testing.  The words came out of her mouth and a weight was put on my shoulders.  Suddenly her voice sounded like the teacher on the Charlie Brown cartoons.  I didn't hear anything except for genetic testing, genetic disorders and diseases.  At that point I didn't know a lot about genetics, except for the fact that it is lifelong and irreversible.  I was shaken to my core.  Feeling like God was seriously overestimating what I was capable of handling.  Needless, to say the visit was not one of my favorite ones that we had, had!  I was told that Tanner was behind in gross/fine motor skills, as well as cognitive skills.  He was unable to sit up, bear weight on his legs, pick up small objects, and the list went on.  I think the word that came to my mind was defeated.  I felt defeated as a mother, like I hadn't done my job, and I failed my son.  I didn't take the right vitamins when I was pregnant, eat the right foods, had one too many sodas.  The list of possibilities of how this was my fault was never ending.

Fast forward to Wednesday, April 4th.....We have completed the genetic testing, know the results, have come to term with the diagnosis, and we are back for a follow up visit with Miss Beth, the Neuro-Developmental specialist!  The news, Tanner has made significant progress and is only behind in his gross motor skills!  He has caught up to his peers in his fine motor and cognitive skills!  The feeling of the two appointments were like night and day, we had come full circle!  I realized that I have walked through the fire, faithful in knowing that God is good and has a plan for my son and for my family, and we are walking on the other side stronger because of it.  By no means is our journey over, unfortunately with a genetic deletion you never fully know what the future holds, But for now we rejoice that he is making progress!  We were not surprised that he still needs work to develop his gross motor skills, he still isn't walking, but we know that it will come just like the other skills have.

As I was driving home I was thinking to myself, "would I change this journey?"  I can honestly say, No.  If I had a "perfectly healthy" child, I would not have become a part of the amazing family that is Seattle Children's.  I feel honored to have been a part of such a wonderful organization.  I served on a parental advisory board, and it was incredible to share feedback and become more involved in a community that holds a special place in not only my heart but many others as well.

Yes, I have to admit I will miss watching the fisheys and the crabs in all the tanks around the hospital!  I will miss going up to the cafeteria and getting grilled cheese and apple juice with Whitney!  And most of all I will miss all the doctors and nurses that have touched our lives and held our hands through 3 surgeries, 45 overnight stays, and countless clinic visits!  I will even miss seeing Hector once a month for Tanner's blood draws (although I don't think Tanner will miss this!!)

I have prayed for Tanner every day since before he was born, and God is answering prayer and showing us every day though Tanner's smile that HE is faithful and HE will do it!!!